FREE WILL

A while ago,
I would blame destiny
For all the things in my life,
My sadness;
My loneliness;
But...
Now I see that
It always helped me,
It gave me opportunities...
But I squandered them,
It gave me the chance to build bonds;
To be extroverted;
To not be afraid;
To be intelligent;
To have a girlfriend;
...
To be happy
...
But I wasted
Every one of them... Every time.
...
How I wish my destiny were already written,
So at least I wouldn't have to worry anymore.
...
But unfortunately, it doesn't work that way...
We have free will, and I hate that!
This very free will that torments me,
This is what makes me write this poem.
...
However, as I write
Each verse;
Each line;
Each word;
Another choice slips away.
...
Perhaps
One that could have truly been good.